Dave Kiffer - Alaskan Poet, Historian, Humorist

aku story (3-15-17) By DAVE KIFFER For the Daily News On Aug. 8, 1963, the Alaska state ferry Taku was idling at the dock in Petersburg. The shiny new ferry was four months into its first season as the second of Alaska's mainline ferries in the state system, which had just begun regionwide operations that year. The Taku had already had an adventure coming into Petersburg earlier in the season, soon after it began sailing in April, when it hit a rock while approaching the terminal during a -3.4 foot tide. That impact had damaged an 8-foot by 70-foot section of the Taku's hull, keeping it out of service for three weeks and costing $41,000. But what happened on Aug. 8 had nothing to do with a low tide. In one of the craziest events in the history of the Alaska Marine Highway System, two young Petersburg boys dashed into the wheelhouse, slammed the vessel into gear and ran back out. The ship surged forward and crashed into the dual, 75-foot towers for the loading ramp...

  Introducing: The Ketchikan to Haines highway!     Recently, a potential visitor to Our Fair Salmon City asked if it was possible to make a day trip from Ketchikan to see Denali," the tallest mountain in North America."     Yes, he wrote it in exactly that over-emphasized way as if he was telling me something I didn't already know. Like maybe I'd missed the memo that Denali is "the tallest mountain in North America."     I did know, of course, but I let it slide because I just find it humorous to humor to humorless.    Anyway, you know the tone. And now that visitors are returning, sort of, we are hearing it again.     The "I know more than you even though you live there" tone.    Maybe it is just their natural tone.    Maybe they just can't help "tourist-splaining,"     Maybe they stayed in the Holiday Inn Express at SeaTac on their way here.    But I digress....

  Eighty years ago today, Irvin Thompson was exactly where he wanted to be.  The 24-year-old Ketchikan resident had tried twice to get into the US Naval Academy in the mid-1930s and had eventually succeeded. When December 7, 1941 dawned, he was an ensign on the battleship USS Oklahoma. He had put in specifically for battleship duty after spending a training cruise on the USS Texas.  When the Oklahoma capsized during the Japanese attack, Thompson was at his duty station in the battery control, the part of the ship that controlled the ships 10 14-inch main guns. More than 400 sailors on the ship died, including Thompson, when it capsized, and most were buried in a mass grave in Hawaii. Thompson was the first Alaskan to die in World War II.  It would be nearly 70 years before Thompson’s remains were identified by DNA testing. He was reburied near the home of a distant cousin in California in 2008.  Thompson was born in Weehawken, New Jersey in 1917 a...

  SOUTHEAST LOG 12-4-21 Family reunited at border HAINES - The reopening of the Canadian border has reunited one local family. Trygve Bakke Sr. lives in Haines Junction. Trygve Bakke Jr. is a is a senior at Haines High. The last time they had seen each other was nearly two years ago. THE CHILKAT VALLEY NEWS Mask rule does not apply to homes PETERSBURG - A new mask mandate ordinance was amended last week. The ordinance does not apply to private residences. The assembly also removed any proposed fines for non-compliance. THE PETERSBURG PILOT Peterson: Clerk of the year SITKA - Sara Peterson has been named the Municipal Clerk of the year by the Alaska Association of Municipal Clerks. Peterson has been the Sitka clerk since 2015. She has worked for the borough since 2003. THE DAILY SITKA SENTINEL Derelict boats removed WRANGELL - The ports and harbors department is tidying up the boatyard. Four derelict boats, Island Belle, Bonnie Jean, Tres Suertes and Parakeet have alre...

  FALL BACK . (Copyright 2021, by Dave Kiffer) . And suddenly it is pitch dark at three pm As if the sky is saying ‘go home, go to sleep’ . As if instantly there is nothing to be done Except hunker down and wait for Spring . As if we wanted another vile hour Of this vile year of this vile pandemic . Especially here where the clouds Bury us, even in good times . It is lighter, of course, at six a.m. Although who wants to be up then? ,

  GHOST CAT , (Copyright 2021 by Dave Kiffer) , I expected you To come out at night Padding the hallway . Even though you were Not light of foot, As a cat goes . Instead it is mid day And you are sitting in a chair at the table . I am not surprised You always politely sat in your tuxedoed fur . Waiting patiently For the humans to give in . And cut you A piece of meat From their plate . Which they always did. Eventually. If you waited . But you are early It is not dinner time Fall Back still vexes . Perhaps you are just claiming the seat Once and for all . Like you claw marked The piano that time You got stuck in it . Or that time we sawed The bathroom door To get you out . These marks remain, Patiently, Hauntingly, near.

  On the ( Creek ) Road So, on e of the unintended consequences of THE GREAT CRUISE SHIP COVID SHUTDOWN OF 20-21 has been the loss of a significant source of summer humor. Let's face it, that as irritated that - for example - Creek Street business workers get having to answer the question "where is Creek Street" a dozen or so times a day, the re is a certain amount of humor generated by the level of cluelessness displayed by some visitors to Our Fair Salmon City. That humor is usually lost in the moment and usually on ly seems "funny" when recalled in the depths of winter at a Monthly Grind months later, but recounting the cluelessness is indeed humorous. In much the same way that a sharp rap on on e's humerus is funny. Well, certainly not initially, but eventually,  otherwise why call it a funny bone? But I digress. Yes, yes, I know that the "funny bone" is actually the ulnar nerve. Bu...