Dave Kiffer - Alaskan Poet, Historian, Humorist

  Column: Humor Sunny Days are becoming as frequent as Eclipses By DAVE KIFFER   August 26, 2017 Saturday PM Ketchikan, Alaska -  Well, Our Fair Salmon City somehow managed to survive the galactic convergence of Eclipse-a-mania and Storm-aggedon! Both those events came together this past week and Ketchikan greeted them with a giganto-awesome "meh"! The eclipse was always an iffy proposition anyway. If it had been crystal clear out we might have seen a sixty percent eclipse which would have been kinda cool, except for the fact that the sun causes Ketchikan residents to sneeze when it comes out and we would have sneezed right through the "partial totality." Seriously, I saw a news story this past week referring to "partial totality." How is that even partially (or totally) possible? But, of course, it was not crystal or any type of clear. It was August in the First City. Also known as pre-winter. Also know as Augtober. So it wasn't going to be clear...

  SOUTHEAST LOG 10-31-20 AMHS leaves Wrangell high and dry WRANGELL - Residents are angry at the proposed winter ferry schedule that drops service to two visits total. They note that the Marine Highway will bypass Wrangell on its runs between Ketchikan and Petersburg. The ferry system says it is too time consuming to go to Wrangell. Wrangell notes the Marine Highway has been visiting the community for nearly 60 years. THE WRANGELL SENTINEL Skagway has first COVID cases SKAGWAY - Skagway was recently noted in a national news stories as one of the few boroughs or counties in the country with no positive COVID cases. No more. The community reported five cases last week. THE SKAGWAY NEWS Shellfishery shut down PRINCE RUPERT - Shellfish harvesting in the Prince Rupert, Kitimat and Haida Gwaii areas has been shut down because of high levels of marine toxins. The Department of Fisheries and Oceans says that in the past four years, there have been significant increases of biotoxin blooms a...

  PREMONITION (Copyright 2020, by Dave Kiffer) It is not the sharp Intake of cold air. Nor is it the snow Creeping downhill. Not even the rising pile of ice melt at Safeway. It is the bone clicking That sounds like dice. The fresh snow tires Chattering the asphalt. On the too soon To be covered roads.

  Column: Humor Lost At Sea By DAVE KIFFER   September 28, 2017 Thursday AM Ketchikan, Alaska -  We often gnash our teeth about visitors wandering around, seemingly lost, in Our Fair Salmon City. How can they get lost? It's only a couple of streets? Don't they all lead to the water? Can't they see the ships? Well, of course, those questions have just about 1.03 million different answers. Most of them seem to revolve around the fact that 99.99 percent of the 1.03 million people are looking for an actual "Street" when they are seeking "Creek Street" but some things you just can't fix. Anyway, put yourself in their orthopedic shoes. If you have spent your entire life navigating the wilds of Cleveland, you can probably find Ketchikan a little daunting. It is so small town here. So rustic. So bereft of the necessities of life. There is only one Starbucks for goodness sake and it is NOT, I repeat NOT, located within walking distance of their ship. This see...

  SOUTHEAST   LOG   10-24 -20    Old pulp mill suit is political fodder  PRINCE RUPERT – The Skeena Cellulose pulp mill has been closed for nearly two decades but a long-ago effort to reopen it has become part of the current political debate. Candidates for the New Democratic Party are claiming that current members of the Liberal Party benefited financially off the efforts that ended up costing Prince Rupert more than $3 million in legal fees. THE NORTHERN VIEW  Long liner gets national award  SITKA -= Local fisherman and executive director of the Alaska Longline Fishermen’s Association Linda Behnken has been awarded $250,000 for her work in conservation and sustainable fishing. The award comes from the national Heinz Family Foundation for her efforts in  opposition to large-scale industrial fishing and her support of small-boat fishermen.   New morgue project dead  HAINES – Looks like a proposed morgue will not be funded by CARES A...

ANTHROPORMORPHIUS (Copyright 2020, by Dave Kiffer) i wonder what they think  As they stare back at our twinkling lights, Those animals that are high on the mountain. The moon reflects off the snow That has arrived this morning And it is ten degrees colder now. The moss and the lichen Are lightly dusted, But the burial has just begun. We see the Termination Dust And we are wistful for the high country, Mentally receiving the winter to come, But do they see warmth in our lights, Our distant hum they feel in the earth, Does the snow affect them the same way? Do the animals of the saddle fear winter The same way that we do Or is it just another day to climb through? We are already looking past the darkness We know that the summer will return The animals know only hunger and time

  Column: Humor Laundry, Laundry, Laundry! By DAVE KIFFER   October 21, 2017 Saturday PM Ketchikan, Alaska -  Recently, I went to a charity auction and clearly the most popular item was a Roomba. Well, it wasn't an actual Roomba, which is a specific brand of robotic vacuum cleaner. This was a different brand, but since it promised to be "just as good" as a Roomba people were still interested in it. It went for $300 and I'm pretty sure that you could buy one on-line for half that, but that's the way that charity auctions work. "$375 for a store bought lemon meringue pie? Count me in!!" We always pay more because we are trying to help out our charity. Actually, some of us are also there because we are hoping against hope to snag a bargain that everyone else is too alcohol-addled to recognize. Alcohol. of course, is always a big thing at these sorts of auctions, because nothing unloosens a wallet like 12 gallons of box wine! And the more savvy of us figure ...

  SOUTHEAST   LOG   10-17-20     Sager, Herhaege elected SKAGWAY - Denise Sager and Jasen Herhaege easily won election to two three-year seats on the School Board, Kilipaki Harris finished third. In the borough assembly race, Reba Hylton and Sam Bass easily finished on top, Turnout was 29 percent. THE SKAGWAY NEWS    Olerud tops Hill for Mayor HAINES - The borough will have a new mayor, with Doug Olerud defeated long-time incumbent Jan Hill.  Caitie Kirby, Cheryl D. Stickler and Jerry Lapp secured seats on the borough assembly. The results for the final assembly seat were too close to call between Brenda Josephson, Carol Tuynman and Helen Alten until the absentee ballots are counted.  Turnout was estimated at more than 50 percent. THE CHILKAT VALLEY NEWS.     Election was all mail in JUNEAU - More than 11,000 votes were received in Juneau's first all-mail in municipal election. The unofficial results show  Maria Gladz...